Dating Sites

Dating Sites, Dating Apps and	Created Date: 25-Mar-2018
Dating as a generalized help	Last updated: 9-Dec-2023
A A A help

Sections

1	Summary - Most of us do NOT get the person we always wanted	2	Cautionary Warning
3	For Women	4	For Men
5	Generalized Tips for Both Genders	6	Ending a Dating Relationship
7	Old Clothes Line Humor	8	Life Cycle of a Single Person's Selection Process

INITIALLY and IMPORTANTLY

Attraction is based on a very superficial level of expectations. The attraction thoughts by both genders when contemplating a dating, followed by marriage relationship are often primary four areas:

Women's initial attraction is based the ability for the woman to invest their life into a man that will pay dividends on meeting self fulfillment
(a) on what the man has to offer in financial security,
(b) followed secondly by having fun,
(c) thirdly in having the ability to make her laugh, and
(d) then physical attraction which she feels will be shared.
Men's initial attraction for a woman is the value she has that is based:
(a) first on physical attraction,
(b) secondly by perceived intimacy,
(c) thirdly by ability to have fun with her, and
(d) fourthly the respect she will have for him.

In the counterfeit of currency, the policing investigators that look for currency fraud are taught explicitly the fine details in official currency. Someone without knowledge on currency fraud might think investigators would be taught what are the frauds in a currency to look for such as missing a specific detail. Contrarily, by the investigator studying every single fine detail of official currency then when looking at a fraudulent currency, the investigator will notice what is missing. The Christian, by studying what God expects in a relationship and marriage, then the problems can be easily seen and avoided for God's Glory and the relationship's best success.

Additionally, regarding both men and women who have poor or absent father and mother figures, there is sometimes difficulty in knowing what qualities to look for in a relationship that can lead to a fulfilling and rewarding marriage. There are sometimes Internet Podcasts, on relationships, that try to warn women that men with Machiavellian or sociopath traits against women can stir up emotions of attractions that are destined for problems. Men that manipulate women with their Machiavellian or sociopath traits are sometimes labeled as being toxic.

Toxic men, as they grow older will become aware that their toxic behavior often can attract some women's attention and interest. A good Godly man, who becomes married to a woman with attraction to toxic men, will have a very difficult time in being the husband that God intended because this is not what his wife is attracted for her marriage partner and for sexual fulfillment.

Summary- Most of us do not get the person we always wanted

In times that have past, the only way to meet someone was through church, family, friends, job or casual contact through everyday activities. One method that was very popular, before the internet, was go to night clubs for dancing, pubs or taverns. Now with the Internet, there is a vast virtual world of opportunities. This topic is about perceptions, misunderstandings, deception and tips for best success as a Christian in dating.

When interviewing people, individually and under anonymity, that are in the twilight periods of their lives concerning their marriages, some startling conclusions have been learned. With very few exceptions, everyone states that they ended up not being with the person they originally wanted to be with for the rest of their life. These people were not stating that they were not happy in their marriage but wished an older relationship had continued with the belief they would have been happier with a better life. Therefore, it is very important to:

Choose wisely,
Work hard in keeping your relationship healthy, and
Do not destroy a relationship that has potential.

Read the topic "60 Year Love Story" for a heartwarming story that sometimes God brings back the "Love of Your Life".

Note that I was married for 24 years, which I ended for Biblical reasons where I gave her many chances to fix some problems that are not permitted in a marriage or relationship. After divorcing, she tried for many years to get me back, even after my remarriage, where I have never been revengeful, in fact very kind on handling everything. I am now a very happily married man, and have seen God work for my benefit through all of my relationship experiences of youth through now where some were painful blessings.

The information contained in this topic was gained from a great deal of research, experiences using dating apps/sites and being single for over six years with five devoted relationships during those years before getting married for the second time. This topic should hopefully help anyone of any age and gender.

Exclusion: There has been an addition to cultural dating approaches, which is exercised by many young people (not all). It is something of a carefree and no responsibility openness (that includes sex) which many young people re-introduced around the mid 2000s that was similar to the 1960's hippie era.

The approach is young people are to go out in groups to take away the stress of actually dating where if a young man and a young woman are interested in one another, then they may separate later from the group at some point to pursue anything where it is understood to not have any commitments, responsibilities or stigmas of rejections. Obviously, this absolutely leads to hurt feelings, regrets and worse which has the same problems that occur as discussed in the topic on affairs.

This topic does not discuss this type of dating and presumes the reader of this topic is a Christian trying to live up to higher standards based on the scriptures with guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Cautionary Warning

Unfortunately, the dating site/app experience because of it being a virtual world, has its share of those seeking companionship for the wrong reasons such as:

Sexual escapades/conquest.
To hide behind a false persona, solely for the purpose to engage in a distant communication without ever meeting in person because they know if you meet them then there most likely will be no chance for relationship.
(a) These types of people feel it is better to have someone to talk with than not having someone to talk with. As an example of these type of people are those who are not necessarily attractive and find it pleasurable to at least have an ongoing conversation with someone who is attractive, even if they know it can never lead to something such more.
(b) They hope that at some point there might be the possibility of a friendship that could mean the opportunity of it not being a virtual friendship.
To scam people for money.
(a) This author has had his photos from my social media site and my Genealogy website used in scams in at least four different times on dating sites against women (that I am aware of). I only found about this happening as the victim women located me through internet photo recognition sites, where it was amazing the stories. The most bizarre incident was my ex-wife contacted me to ask me if I was playing a trick on her because a profile on a Dating Site had contacted her with my photos, where he was in Florida and she in Texas. You cannot make this stuff up.
(b) Twice on one of the Dating Apps, I expressed interest in a woman, where later the women contacted me asking for money. The woman stated she had to leave the country on business and now needed money sent to a bank for her to be able to get back into the United States because her American Passport, Driver's License and Credit Cards were stolen. Obviously, I didn't send any money and then informed the dating application of the woman being a scammer.

Regardless of your age and history of relationships, an awesome prerequisite to the dating world is Dr. James Dobson's book "Love Must Be Tough" which gives extremely valuable information on having a successful relationship. Dobson's book is written for those who are going through a crisis in their relationship but all of us will eventually face this in our lifetime as divorce statistics continue to rise higher and higher. There are valuable tips in Dobson's book on understanding attraction.

Here are three other great topics to read that may be helpful before continuing with the Dating Sites Topic:

Relationships - Divorce and Break ups - Winning in them.
Roles in a Relationship - Needs, Warnings and Suggestions.
Adultery - Consequences, Understanding Pain, How to Not do it again and How to Receive a Blessing.

Jesus Christ warned us:

2 Timothy 3:

1 But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, 4 treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. 6 For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, 7 always learning and never able to arrive at a knowledge of the truth. 8 Just as Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses, so these men also oppose the truth, men corrupted in mind and disqualified regarding the faith. 9 But they will not get very far, for their folly will be plain to all, as was that of those two men.

Women are particularly vulnerable on dating sites to be manipulated for the wrong reasons to lead into 2 Timothy 3:6. Men can fall as detailed in verses 8 through 9.

For Women

Item	Description	Notes
1	Photos should be current and recent	Men are visual oriented, and they will decide very quickly if a woman is someone who they could eventually see themselves being intimate, which is usually one of first consideration a man uses in his checklist of selecting a woman to contact.
2	Photos should include other friends showing you having a good time.	Men want to be with a woman who is fun to be with, where initial proof is her having fun with others.
3	Photos should show you in a formal dress.	Men are attracted to a woman who knows how to look beautiful in a formal dress.
4	Photos must have you standing up in some sort of vacation location or engaging in conversation with others.	A classic mistake of women is not showing their whole figure which leads to a man being surprised, potentially in the wrong way, when meeting.
5	Photos have to reflect who you are now not what you use to be.	Inevitably, you will meet the man that you have connected with on the dating site/app and a man will most likely reject you within moments of meeting you if you do not reflect the woman he had imagined in his mind. He may stay and be polite and talk with you as a recognizance mission on improving his dating communication skills.
6	Take the initiative to send an introductory email to a good candidate profile. Click [yes] or swipe "interested" on a profile.	Many women tend to get frustrated in the process because of profiles of men that turn out not to be what was advertised. You cannot give up.
7	Do not spend weeks having conversation through the dating site/app in the hopes of learning more about the man or getting him to have a connection with you before meeting.	Nothing guarantees chemistry. Men are goal oriented and will become frustrated with delays in meeting. Trying/hoping to get a man to develop a connection with you, that does not involve visual confirmation, has a high possibility of not working for a man. Meet him sooner vs. later.
8	If you have children still at home, have pets, take care of aging parents? Mention them in your profile.	A man will soon know that he is potentially going to be involved in their lives so do not blind side him. Initially, during dating, it may not be an issue but in considering marriage, he will realize that it is part of the package deal concerning you. He may have the same situation.
9	Stop looking for a man to complete you. You may have impossible expectations where you need to relax your must have list of a man's attributes. There are men that are great candidates who may have some inconsequential areas that do not appeal to you.	No man is going to complete you. What you should be after is Christ centered, compatibility and attraction. Relaxing your must have or must not have list means something like: he has kids, has tattoos, smokes, lives more than 25 miles away, not in great physical shape, thinning hair, not a specific height, or his age is older.
10	Because men are goal and accomplishment based, your correspondence should be reasonably timely. Men will think that "no response" means you are not interested and if your response is days later, then men will often think they are a second choice over another candidate.	If you struggle in this area of making "small talk" in correspondence, then get help from friends. The man is not going to expect a long "pen-pal" response. Always answer ALL of his questions and pose one or more of your own questions at the end of your replies. Men will interpret questions as positive just like you would.
11	If a man starts asking generalized questions about your finances during the dating process such as: (1) do you own your home or (2) how much you make a year; do not take offense on these questions.	Generally, this can be considered offensive for a woman and you may think that he is getting too personal on his questions during dating. On the contrary, this often means he is thinking about the future and because men are problem solvers, he wants to make sure financial issues are taken care as the head of a household in a future relationship scenario.
12	To reinforce the point of timely correspondence/communications, if you do not reply in reasonable time then the good men will simply find someone else to chat with because he will assume you aren't interested or he is your second choice.	For analogy purposes, if your boss (man/woman it doesn't matter the gender) sent you an email and you didn't reply for days then what would you expect your boss to think of you?
13	Men often get frustrated that the contact correspondence does not move fast enough because when a woman replies "interested" then her future correspondence should be timely but often is not. Remember that men are goal driven as God made them that way, so men want to accomplish goals which means be in a dating relationship.	Men will often feel like they just need to make something happen and will contact other women just so they can feel like something is being accomplished. They will get further frustration when they realize they are potentially in a position where they truly are not interested in a woman but fell into their own trap of settling on someone to try to get something going. Inadvertently, women often can cause other women problems by not being timely.
14	Women often believe that after a first meeting or after a few dates, that a man who appeared to be interested can take more than three days to call back. This is usually a bad indication of lack of interest.	If a man is truly interested in a woman, then he will initiate communications the next day after the first date and will make plans to see the woman as soon as possible. If he is not able, then he will let you know reasons why and set up long range plans to see the woman. After a few dates, He will also be vigilant in keeping in contact. If more than 3 days goes by then that is a bad indication of lack of interest, or, also a bad sign of someone who most likely is not good at communications.
15	Women can sometimes be attracted to "bad boy" types or the type of man who plays hard to get, looks like he is wealthy, acts tough.	A good man does not need to act tough, be ostentatious or play hard to get. When getting to know the man, if he doesn't have a lot of male friends then this can be a bad sign "red flag". If his parents are alive and the parents are dysfunctional, then there is the potential for him having issues on not knowing how to have a good relationship because of bad examples with his parents. More on this later in this topic webpage.

If you do not have suitable photos in the above items, get a friend to take them for you. Yes, you can stage the photos. Selfies are No-No(s).

For Men

Item	Description	Notes
1	Photos should be current and recent	Women are partially visual where attraction is a starting place on qualifying the man and the man needs/must reflect confidence, financial success and happiness without arrogance and pretentiousness.
2	No shirtless photos unless they are required such as a scuba photo or an action photo playing on a beach with others.	This is a classic mistake of men who want to show they have a desirable physique. Women, while they do operate on attraction initially, they are not attracted to arrogant men which is the connotation when showing a shirtless photo in the gym, no matter how great the physique appears.
3	No photos of you sitting in your car parked unless it is a photo of you about to race your car at the speedway or it is about a vacation.	This is similar to item 2. Vanity is not attractive to women. Women are not fooled into thinking you are successful or desirable because of your vehicle. For example, if it is important to show a great truck for boating purposes, then show it in a minor way as part of an action photo such as standing in the boat holding up water skiing gear.
4	Show vacation photos of you having a good time and preferably at a touristy place.	Your vacation photos should be with others and preferably other men which shows you are liked.
5	Show a photo of you in a sport jacket, suit or tuxedo.	Women want to be with a man who knows how to dress up just like men want to be with a woman who knows how to look beautiful in a formal dress.
6	Your written profile must reflect who you truly are and your financial status without pretentiousness.	The #1 need of a woman in a relationship is security which means being with a man who can provide that to her. The scale of financial success is different for each woman and it will avoid embarrassment and disappointment if you just reflect your true self.
7	If a woman replies to your email or positively to your profile, do not immediately ask to meet her on the same day. Your email should not be perceived as pressuring where a question to meet is only suggestive.	Unlike men, who can get ready for a social event very quickly, a woman may want to schedule getting her hair done, nails done, a new outfit or even a tanning session. Women perceive that meeting is a potential man is the start of something long lasting where she will want to make the best impression.
8	Women are not to be considered flavors of the month. This should not require any explanation! Unfortunately, many women are worried and perceive men are seeking dating experiences for the wrong reasons. Your actions should be Godly and reflect a Christian. Women, generally speaking are better at judging a man's character than men are judging a woman's character.	This is a pitfall that will leave you dissatisfied, disappointed and potentially judged by God, falling out of His Mercy when we are not acting in His perfect Will. It is okay to date casually to learn about someone but not in a fashion or pattern of carnal conquest.
9	Women often will struggle in the area of initial correspondence because they don't know you and their way of handling "small talk" with a man is difficult until they have a common point of interest and emotional connection. God made women to use emotions in a far superior way than men and their thinking process is often based through this emotion.	Always make your initial correspondence SHORT and to the point. Share some detail about you that will develop an emotional connection. End your email, text or chat window through the Dating Site interface with a question so that she can reply back with an answer. If you do not ask a question, she may not reply and she will also potentially interpret you as not being interested.
10	Women, in most cases, just are not going to be timely in communications in the manner you would expect.	Be PATIENT! One friend of this author waited 3 weeks before she replied. Jokingly, because she was asking for advice from me, I finally said if you don't reply to him then I will do it for you. She did reply, met and ended up falling in love. Her initial problem was she was insecure about her looks, didn't know if she could talk to him when they met and was afraid of getting her heart broken again.
11	Women often will get to the point of total frustration on not understanding men and why they do things where their rules of attraction are different and are based more on emotions. You need to be slow in your dating progress to avoid costly pain in her emotions.	Because men are goal oriented, they can often and quickly move on to another relationship not realizing the peripheral damage to the women which is sinful. This is similar to #7 above. Your actions may cause difficulties for the next man who will have to work through the problems in her life that were caused by you. You do not want to potentially judged by God, falling out of His Mercy because of carnal actions.
12	A very important aspect of communication, in your initial correspondence, is to NOT come off as a problem solver. Your sentences need to be about pleasantries and positive comments.	An example of a do NOT do: "I like to water ski. It is okay if you don't like to water ski as you can stay in the boat." Two problems: (1) you just said water skiing is very important to you and (2) you want her to stay in the boat. The short and positive way to talk about it is "It is fun sometimes to go out on the lake and maybe water ski. Do you like being on the water?"
13	Do NOT talk about sex in any shape or form until very far down the road into a relationship and then only for purposes that are about understanding her needs, not yours. Women are built by God to understand more about a man's needs then men are to understand a woman's needs.	Women are offended very easily by the discussion because it equates to many wrong and negative connotations. A woman can feel that the man is solely interested in her for sexual gratification or he will be judging her on her sexual attractiveness, sexual abilities or sexual appetite. This is absolutely wrong for a man to have as a goal. The number one need for a man is respect from a woman and by inappropriate discussions can cause a woman to disrespect the man.
14	Men need to understand that women do not use logic in the same way as men which can cause problems. Consider these two scenarios: (1) Generally speaking men can often instantaneously reply to the question "Where is north?" and can point exactly where it is and men understand spatial dimensions where women generally do not. (2) men generally speaking, do not drive their car into an adjacent lane when there is another vehicle fast approaching in that lane because that would cause the other vehicle to have to apply breaks (bad road etiquette). Women, generally speaking, often are not cognizant of compass directions and spatial dimensions unless they work on it.	Men need to realize that, generally speaking, women are far superior to men in the areas of detecting and reading another man or woman's emotions and body language. Men can be completely clueless in this area. An example is a woman can instantly know when a man is having a bad day even though the man thought he gave zero clues. The point is men need to work on being more perceptive, keen on listening carefully and explain their thoughts more clearly so that a woman doesn't misunderstand or jump to wrong conclusions about you. If you do not believe this, consider the rhetorical question on why men are more attracted to movies that are about valor and conquest and women more attracted to movies of romance, conversation and passion?

If you do not have suitable photos in the above items, get a friend to take them for you. Yes, you can stage the photos. Selfies are No-No(s).

General Tips for Both Genders

The glass container of marbles analogy: A single marble represents a positive attribute about a man or a woman in a glass container during the dating process.
(a) For women, they start off the glass container having a few marbles. The marbles got there by the woman putting them into container to the point of enough marbles equating to allowing a first date with the man. At some point in the future if the container gets full of the marbles, then the woman could see herself in marriage with the man. Marbles are added and removed from the container over time by the woman.
(b) For men, at the point they ask the woman out on a date, the container may be almost full of a preconceived imagined complete list of positive ideas where a man could see himself in a potentiality of marriage with the woman. Men over time, begin removing marbles as the woman's attributes did not equate to his original attribute list.
(c) Summary is women start from the perspective of the man having to prove himself (marbles added) over time and men start off from the perspective the woman is already almost perfect but diminishes over time (marbles removed). The successful outcome depends on the marbles in both genders' containers getting and staying full in order for a marriage to happen.
(d) Note: Because men often start off with a nearly full container of marbles, it is possible for an inexperienced/naive/immature man to feel like they are in love after a few dates and not understand why the woman doesn't feel the same way.
Do NOT reply to correspondence if you are not interested. Do NOT send a reply such as "thank you for your interest" as this can cause more unwanted contact. It is generally understood, rather quickly, that no response means "not interested". On all of the dating sites/apps, you have the ability to block or report problem men/women. You may need to do this. The author had to block a woman who just would not stop emailing.
SCAMMERS are on the dating sites! The Scammers will try to make you become interested and then will try to get you to send them money. Do some research online on the techniques used.
If you are not keeping yourself in good physical fitness shape. Start a program. See this topic "Keeping Physically Fit and Attractive" for a multitude of reasons. Your sexual intimacy, as a man, depends upon it to avoid complications later in life such as Erectile Dysfunction which women in their 50s and older have a lot of dissatisfaction and complaints. Your sexual intimacy, as a woman, depends upon you being visually desirable to your man.
Take some time to read about psychological traits in people on some Internet Sources. All of us tend to be attracted to people with similar traits as previous relationships and this can be something to be avoided. There are many bad traits, such as narcissism, that projects someone as being positive and outgoing when they are in reality, often self-centered and not trustworthy.
Many men and sometimes women will believe that what is envious of their gender will be attractive to the other gender. A classic and very funny example is young men will do all kinds of enhancement to their vehicle, that would make other men envious, with the belief that a woman would be impressed and attracted to him. This was one of the main points of the old Shania Twain hit song "That Don't Impress Me Much".
The experience of trying to find a future spouse starts with a friendship that leads to a romance. Do not speed up the process because you will miss potential warning signs or red flags that may be fixable, or indicators that no matter the attraction, the two of you are not meant to be. God absolutely does guide us and we need to listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit.
Do not get discouraged! The sales mantra is applicable and analogous in the process of meeting someone. The Sales Mantra is: "A salesperson has to knock on 100 doors to get 10 appointments to make 1 sale." This author, who has been on the dating sites/app, has knowledge of people who took 2 years of continuous "meeting someone" to finally fall in love and meet a future spouse.
You have to date someone for a long period of time to actually get to know someone. It may be that you date someone and fall in love but realize the two of you could never have a lasting commitment in marriage because of red flags that are only revealed over time. It is okay to break up.
Do not take more than a few days, maximum of a week, generally speaking to meet someone for the first time after texting, emailing and phone calls start. To reiterate this point, if the communications are the point of showing both of you are interested, then do not take too long to meet. Consider that even though the two of you are communicating, one or both of you is most likely communicating with others and this can cause problems in giving the two of you a fair chance.
A phone call or a "face to face virtual call" can be done before meeting someone if you qualify them before hand by adequate experience in judging profiles. If you do not have this ability, then do not have a phone call before meeting. Do not be afraid of giving out your phone # as you can always block the other person phone #. You can also set up alternate phone forwarding where your true phone is blocked.
The first meeting should NOT be a dinner unless you have experience in judging profiles. The first meeting should be for coffee/tea/drink. It can be at a Coffee Shop or a restaurant. If you do not have chemistry then you can quickly leave and avoid wasted time, expenses on a dinner and also potentially hurting the other person's feelings.
Take the 5 Love Language Test and share that information in the early stages of dating. There is a test on: (1) what we want, and a test on (2) what we expect as couples that are very helpful. There are other great tests, besides the Love Languages. It is very important to know each other's needs. It is said that we give what we want to receive but this is not necessarily true! We may give gifts because we like to give gifts but do not want gifts in return. We may have a need to make sure our spouse is satisfied fully in an area before we can relax and enjoy a specific area such as a dinner, sexual intimacy or even trying to go to sleep for the night.
At some point, maybe in a counseling environment with a Pastor or a trained professional, it may be necessary to discuss sexual needs / desires. The books and movies, such as 50 Shades of Grey which captured/intrigued women's fantasies and imagination, is an indicator that some expectations can hurt or even destroy a relationship. What may appear as inconsequential, may need to be discussed and compromises reached or even an end to the dating relationship.
There is an old axiom, "Women enter a relationship with the desire to change a man but he doesn't change. Men enter a relationship with the desire that the woman never changes but she does."
(a) There is a lot of truth that can be observed in this axiom. Women need to realize that men tend to not change, and you will not be able to necessarily make him like the things you do and act a different way just because you are in committed relationship such as marriage.
(b) Men need to realize that women often feel that they must act one way during the dating period but feel it is not required after entering into a marriage. The solution is a lot of talk and mutual understanding needs to happen. Read this very poignant short topic excerpt from a news article on Dave and Ann Wilson.
(c) The real truth is both men and women tend to change the way they act after getting into a committed relationship.
    (c.1) Men tend to start treating their spouse as a one of their male best friends, where being romantic becomes very less and less.
    (c.2) Women tend to start giving over financial burdens and concerns to their spouse, ignoring important budgeting principles.
        Additionally, women often try take over governing the free time of the spouse.
    (c.3) For more answers on relationship needs based on gender and the peculiarities, read Roles in a Relationship.
Sex outside of marriage and/or covenant monogamous committed relationship is prohibited in God's Word.
(Note: Marriage is not always available in some places in the world for everyone. The misunderstanding by most people that are fundamental Christians is they think marriage is the only covenant. God sees a commitment to one another is like a marriage where Christians should see the same rules apply. If you break up then it is just like divorcing so do not break up for unbiblical reasons if you have made the step of sex. Yes Grace and Mercy apply and none of us are perfect.)
The deception in Dating Sites/Apps is they actually do not want you to find someone because they will then lose your membership. They design their user interface to keep you thinking "there is just one more person I need to meet who will be better than the last." Do not fall into this trap. After you start a dating relationship, it should be exclusive, and you should hide your profile or cancel the membership where you can always go back if the dating relationship does not work out. A general rule of thumb should be something like: (1) after two dates, the profile should be hidden (2) after the fourth date, the profile should be deleted.

Ending a Dating Relationship

It may come to the point in the short or long term of a dating relationship to end it. These are the three primary scenarios and how to end the possibility of dating or the dating relationship:

If you have only had a few meetings or dates and you are realizing that this is not a good match, then you do not need to meet in person to discuss the ending of the courtship or dating. It is best to end the relationship through a text of email.
If you have been dating for more than a few weeks and have been exclusive, then it is still the best to end the relationship through a text of email.
If you are engaged and it is necessary to end the engagement along with not seeing one another in a dating relationship, then there are no easy solutions. Depending upon many factors that include gender, a quick approach is the best to avoid arguments, verbal abuse and possible physical abuse. A good idea is to possibly meet at a neutral location such as a cafe that is not fancy to quickly get to the point.

Some generalized thoughts regarding ending any type of relationship that falls in the categories of #1 and #2:

Generally speaking, women believe ending a relationship should be done in person. The thought process is it is more kind and considerate which points to the superior nurturing aspect that God gave women. Women should not meet in person with the man but end it with a text or email.
Generally speaking, men want to either "ghost", text or email to end a relationship. They do not want to meet because they do not want to have any conflicts or stress from having a discussion on why the relationship is ending. The term "ghost" means the person becomes unreachable by text, phone or email along with never appearing to be home if the person knocks on the other person's home.
Generally speaking, women want to discuss why the man is ending the relationship. This is not a good idea and the woman is most likely not going to hear the truth. Generally speaking, men always want to avoid conflict because they are problem solvers and they believe that nothing can be solved by going over reasons why they are ending the relationship. Men are concerned that they will hear something to the effect of:
(a) "I will work on those problems or issues" so please do not end our relationship now; or,
(b) "You have problems also and your problems are x, y and z" which is negative and the man doesn't want to discuss problems for the woman that he is ending a relationship with.
Generally speaking, men will want to discuss the reasons why the woman is ending the relationship. This is not a good idea because the woman is most likely going to tell the truth where the man is not prepared to hear it and it adds to the stress because it goes against the man's nature of problem solving. The man will have no way to solve any problems, which the woman is bring up because the woman is no longer in the relationship. The man probably already knows why the woman is ending the relationship, or over time will most likely figure out the problems so there is no reason to elaborate it in a meeting.

What to possibly say on ending a relationship in a text or email:

One of the best ways of handling the message is to write "I am realizing that I am not right for you and it is not fair to you. You deserve someone much better than me that will meet all of your desires and needs. I have enjoyed seeing you and I wish you the absolute best in your pursuit of finding your best relationship match." By using these words and this approach, you are taking the blame and are not saying anything negative towards the other person. After sending this text or email, then refrain from any more communications of any kind. Doing this is counter intuitive but actually is the kindest approach as pointed out above in the four bullet points.

Old Clothes Line Humor

This is some fun humor for those who have memories of seeing their grandparents hanging clothes outside on the clothes line to dry. It is possible to meet your future love online or through social groups, so do not give up hope.

(photo from public access. If you know the ownership, please contact site administration.)

Life Cycle of a Single Person's Selection Process

This section is hopefully helpful when taking a look at the pursuit of a lasting relationship in life, to remove wrong choices made and wrong ideas held at different ages. As stated throughout this topic and additionally, it is unfortunate:

That have people not maintaining relationships, with a belief there is always someone better out there, where the relationship lost could have been the best for both people's entire lives which God arranged.
Make selections based on inexperience that leads to commitments that are doomed to fail with a lifetime of disappointment.
Have young women believing they will always be able to have men interested in them because of their beauty where the young women will ignore young men who God brought into their lives.
Having middle-age women, and older, giving up on trying to have a husband especially at older ages.
Have middle-age and older men taking advantage of women of all ages, where the men do not recognize the loss of a great woman to commit in marriage and sometimes destroying a woman's emotional marriage potential and happiness potential as God made women with enhanced emotional perceptions that can harbor angry and hurt feelings that are very difficult to release and forget.

From three funny Internet Postings that have some clever advice that may be helpful.

This is for helping young women:

"To all the young women, go for the nerdy ones (young men) as they end up being successful, will become handsome and treat their wives with high regard and value. This is sage advice from us older women."

Funny posted video that is geared toward helping young men, with a trailer at the end of the video for women:

Hot Crazy Matrix video {Author's note. This video is meant as entertainment (PG 13) and makes many general assumptions. There is an initial premise of women not changing which is absolutely not true, but the speaker does correct this later in his short comical presentation.}

Finally, understanding how to guarantee tranquility in a marriage, an older man is talking to a newlywed couple and giving the young man the following wisdom:

"You need to understand that everything your wife owns is hers, (a dramatic pause) and everything you own is hers."

For helping women:

Many young women between the ages of 16 to the early thirties do not require much to initially attract men, as beauty is the major requirement for young men looking for a relationship.

(a) An older women will look back at her young photos and often state that "I have forgotten how young I once was and how beautiful I was where I didn't know it."
(b) Many young women often and unfortunately compare their beauty to the most beautiful women on magazines and media, which is a false standard that demeans a young woman's self-esteem. Most magazine photos are altered to remove imperfections, which is also done in media such as TV shows and movies. This also goes for even young men comparing themselves.
(c) A beautiful young woman has all of the initial advantages over young men (whether she knows it or not) because the young man believes the woman will always be beautiful and the young woman has nothing wrong with her that can't be resolved.
A beautiful young woman needs to be looking for the man who is honest, sincere and has amplitude who also has some insecurity in his ability to keep the young woman interested in him.   Insecurity will reveal the love interest that a young man has for the young woman as he thinks the beautiful young woman will eventually or potentially not maintain interest in him, which reveals itself in the young man's insecurity.

(a) Insecurity is very unattractive for young women (when it should not be). This author has never understood why mothers do not teach their daughters (like it was done prior in older generations) the real reasons behind a young man's insecurity.
(b) Some young men will try to pretend they have their life together but really do not necessarily have confidence in their financial abilities and even attractiveness with young women. A young man who is a captain of the high school or college sports team can develop arrogance of his attractiveness that actually means nothing towards providing a love filled and successful marriage.
(c) Young women will make value judgment on a young-man's attractiveness based on superficial observations such as him driving an expensive car, the clothes he wears and the job. This author recalls so many women in the College Greek Fraternity life that were always interested in specific guys who drove expensive sports cars as if that guaranteed the young man to be a great future husband.
(d) Insecurity and nervousness don't just apply to young men. This author recalls reading about David Bowie, after his death, where he had an amazing marriage to Iman. Many articles stated how extremely nervous he was on asking her out on a date and also dating Iman. David Bowie was a man who performed in front of live audiences in concerts for decades and had numerous relationships before Iman, where David Bowie's self-confessed nervousness demonstrates what a woman should want from a man who is interested in pursuing a relationship with her.
A beautiful young woman, will seemingly always believe they will be young and beautiful. An older woman will sometimes state that when they were young, they believed older women just don't take care of themselves and let themselves become out of shape and fat.

(a) The extremely unfair opinion of attractiveness, by younger women against older women, is very common.
(b) The additional unfair aspect is women often feel their self-worth is associated with their beauty, which also puts themselves into a state of competing with other women, whether or not the competition is even recognized. (See the topic of Women to Women friendships and the grievous sin that women do to one another.)
In later life, the simple youthfulness and beauty advantages which were held by younger women are often gone. Unfortunately, men at all ages will always judge women by attractiveness, just like women will most likely judge a man for his financial status followed by attractiveness. Older women need to know that getting older does not mean attractiveness will be lost, but just needs to be maintained. Women will recognize their bodies are no longer the same as they were when they were younger, and do not necessarily know how or take time to change, stay physical fit or improve.

(a) Many older men sometimes will make the comment to other men that it seems most older women will not implement important routines such as daily exercise, eating correctly, vitamins and paying for beauty treatments.
(b) There are women in their mid-sixties years of age that can compete in beauty with women that are years younger.

Concerning women and men's problems:

The young and middle-life years of women and men have distinct problems.

(a) Wives expect their husbands to always be supportive, provide security, always be romantic without sexual motives. This is a Godly requirement for husbands.
(b) Wives also expect their husbands to be constantly improving on themselves in all areas. Many wives will verbally let their husbands know about all of their problem areas that often comes off as negative, critical and judgmental.
(c) Husbands expect their wives to spend time to always stay beautiful, based on their age, and be desirous of routine sexual fulfillment

Unfortunately, there is a well-known problem, which young and middle-life men speak candidly with their best male friends and this is often illustrated in TV shows along with movies. It is an extreme lack of sexual fulfillment in their marriages where they wonder if other men are experiencing the same problem.

Young and middle age men will state that their sexual lives began great in early parts of the marriage and then became almost non-existent because their wives are constantly not interested in having sex. It doesn't matter if the husband and wife are attractive and a great affectionate lover as a factor of why this occurs.

Husbands get to the point of no longer trying to initiate and asking, where the consequence is the man doing solitary self-fulfilling sexual gratification that involves his imagination with the possibility of pornography and even affairs. The wives then interpret their husband no longer initiating and asking to mean they do not love them, and this leads to the wife also doing self-fulfilling sexual gratification and sometimes affairs.

God gave women the gift of enhanced emotional thought processes, where the negative aspect with this gift is wives will try to assign blame of a poor or absent sexual fulfilling marriage on their husband. Of course there are all types of scenarios, but the overwhelming cause of the problem, according to research recourses, is usually the wives.

On the rare side of problems, if a wife gets no response from her initiating then there is a possibility that her husband has found other choices for his sexual needs that has replaced his wife, which should be an alarm warning for the wife to consider.

A wife can state that it cannot be their fault if there is no desire because of hormonal imbalances, stress and lack of sleep, but older women will state that the problem was her own lack of balance and planning, routine exercise, eating correctly. Older women realized that whenever they did have sexual experiences in the past, when there was no initial desire, the desire did come after foreplay that the younger wife should have realized on a routine basis.

One of this author's best friends stated to me at age 35 that he can't figure it out. If his wife would just have sex routinely, then she could have absolutely everything she ever want that he could provide. This same friend is now 62 years old, and after numerous health problems, is unable to have sex anymore and he says his wife now wants to have sex almost daily with little hints of hope routinely given that involves his service without reciprocation as it can't be received, where he says it just makes him angry and he can't say anything. He also believes she is now having an affair.

In later life, atypically starting with the age of fifty, many women become very sexually desirous and men become less interested in their wives as sexual partners. Excluding medical problems in men's ability for sex, some men will state they just became no longer sexually attracted to their wives because of the years of their wife's neglect of intimacy.
Older women, often in mid-fifties, have a great amount of difficulty in attracting a single man of the same age unless they have maintained their attractiveness by exercise, healthy eating, vitamins and paying for the common beauty treatments such as hair coloring.

(a) This author's mother passed away from cancer, which left my father at age 59 a widower. At the funeral, there were a few single women of my father's age that were fairly (with respect) openly inserting themselves as available. My brother's close business partner and friend, a woman who is also my father's age and married, said to both of us that the "vultures are circling" when this was happening.
There are older men who seem to want to almost take revenge or advantage on women for their negative experiences in youth and sexually deprived marriages. This author particularly finds this a very despicable action that is too common, which I heard when going through the dating process at age of 53 through 58 from women who openly talked about it.

(a) These men wrongfully will use women, who are vulnerable and desiring a good man, to only use a woman for sexual gratification.
(b) A good female friend, at my office who was caught in this type of situation, said women will participate and continue to let this happen because they are hopeful to change the man's mind into a committed marriage, where I said that is not the way to do it.
(c) When older men treat women as sexual objects to be used, it is causing many women to give up on dating in later life out of fear of being used and their feeling with expectations being hurt. This stops the chance for another good man to find a good woman who no longer makes herself available out of fear.

Concerning men:

Young men often do not know what makes a young woman a good candidate for a long-term marriage as they often chose solely on beauty which is only a starting point of many points.
Young men and older men, who end up achieving great success in their jobs, can often become pretentious and believe they will always be successful and therefore attractive by women which is not the Christian correct perspective.

(a) When a man, in later life, goes through a divorce or the death of his wife, then this man can often experience an increased financial status because of other previous requirements are gone. With the improper disclosures and use of money can give false expectations to a future wife.
Young men need to take time before committing to a relationship so that observations can be made to know about the amplitude of a successful marriage that is not based on attractiveness. It used to be a very commonly heard advice that states a young man needs to look at his girlfriend's mother to know what his relationship will be like in life.
Men unfortunately in their mid-fifties of years of age do not understand the correlation between their health and sexual ability. One particular important medical indication of a potential problem is eye sight that is diminishing in mid-life over 50 years of age. Our eyes have very tiny blood vessels, just like a man's penis, where cholesterol can build up in the eyes to cause vision problems along with other blood vessels in the body that includes the heart. This is why popular drugs, to help with sexual abilities in men, are to increase blood flow. Therefore, it is important to maintain health and consult your Doctor on health.

Concerning Old Age, considered the Twilight Years:

Many women and men do not consider the possibility of being alone after being married for most of their lives, where their spouse has passed on and there:
(a) Wasn't adequate maintaining of relationships with other friends and even their offspring, and
(b) Wasn't maintaining of health in earlier periods of life such as routine exercise, diet and other factors.
Therefore, it is important to support your spouse, and friendships, to have the greatest long-lasting and fulfilling life before going home to be with our Lord Jesus Christ.

To illustrate the previous point with some humor, this author heard this fictional story from my 84 year old uncle, who I have lunch with almost every Thursday. My uncle lives in a retirement apartment community, that is almost like living in a University Dormitory where there is always breakfast, lunch and dinner available in a common building. The following fictional story dramatizes the desires for companionship even at a very old age:

One day at the lunch room of an old age retirement community, a new man sat down at a table with several other men and women.

One of the ladies looked at this new man and asked who he is, how old and where did he come from.

The new man said: "Well, my name is Fred. I am 80 years old and just got out of prison yesterday."

The woman, with a little bit of stress and fear in her voice, then asked what was he in prison for?

Fred then answered: "I was in prison for killing my wife."

The woman, with happy excitement then said: "Good that means you are single."

Fred then waits for a moment, with shock and excitement, and then says: "Yes I am."

Hopefully all of these points will bring a serious evaluation of one's choices at every age. God is there for all of us, but when we act inappropriately in sinful ways that involve selfishness and short-sidedness then we can reap life-long consequences, which we cannot blame God and God expects us to fulfill our commitments to our spouses.

What to read next?

Marriage and the needs of the man and woman. Consequences of Adultery, Cheating & Affairs, Recovering from Divorce & Relational Breakups, Hope for an old relationship from the past: 60 Year Love Story