Unique Differences and a Man with Woman Friendship

There are very unique differences between friendships of the two genders.  This topic is not implying or indicating that one gender is better than the other but rather indicating there are some ideas that women can utilize to improve their friendships along with obtaining more deeper friendships with other women when observing some of the characteristics of friendships that men have with other men. 

Note that a friendship is between two people who enjoy being together and doing activities with one another.  Friendships between different genders are permissible, as long as a friendship contains absolutely no sexual attraction or other types of wrongful manipulations to achieve something sinful.  In a positive example, a man or woman may routinely help an elderly person or disabled person of another gender where a strong friendship develops is commendable and also rewarding for both people. 

If there is possibly a perception of others thinking there is inappropriate friendship between  a man and a women then the friendship should be guarded against all opportunities to personally stumble or cause others to stumble into sinful desires.

There are people who are acquainted with one another and are friendly with one another at a job, school, Church or because they are neighbors, where this topic is not about being acquainted and acting friendly with one another. 

Proverbs 18:24 and 1 Samuel 18:1-4 describe the friendship and loyalty we should aspire to have with one another as we become friends with people.  God gave us many gifts that are specific for our genders and friendship with others of the same gender should be easily obtainable as Christians as we mature in our love for God as God demonstrates His 100% loyalty in Love for us.

Christian Men friendships with other Men

In a high level summary of friendships for Christian men with other Christian Men, the following points describe aspects of friendships:

1. An established friendship has only the condition of never doing anything to harm, threaten or steal from one another. 
2. Time is inconsequential in the friendship as many years can go by without seeing one another and two men can resume speaking and enjoying one another's company as if they just saw one another yesterday.  Often men's friendships, that are separated by distance from moving, can have one man call the another after not speaking for years to plan on seeing one another because a trip is going to allow them to be in the same area.  As an example, this author calls several friends that are separated by 1000s of miles to plan an annual snow ski trip where we do not speak to one another hardly at all in between trips; but when we are together it is as if we saw each other yesterday.
3. Men enjoy being around other men who have the same interests, where the friendships do not have a problem if the friends make more money, smarter, better in sports or even more handsome.  The friendship is based on common interests, having fun together and the desire to improve oneself.  A man can feel initially intimidated, at a start of a friendship, by another man who is superior in an area but it is not a deterrent to start a friendship when the two men enjoy one another's company.  Because men are problem solvers, Christian men will recognize gaps or problems in harming a potential friendship and work around it. As an example, two men meet in a Bible Study and talk about snow skiing.  The first man says he only goes once every few years and the other man, who goes several times per year, will not mention this fact and suggests that the two of them should go in the upcoming season at a place the first man enjoys.  This immediately has the potential of starting a great friendship and this is exactly how this author started one of the closest friendships that I have ever had.
4. Differences in age does not affect the friendship.
5. Men can and will often have potentially a dozen or more very close acquaintances that will potentially become friendships in the future.
6. If one man makes comments or actions that can be perceived as offensive to a friend then the friend will immediately speak to his friend to get it resolved.
7. If a man is a good friend with another man who is more handsome, makes more money or is better at sports, then the man feels like the friendship is also helping him to become the things which he admires in the other man.

Christian Women friendships with other Women

In a high level summary, many Christian women's friendships with other women have these commonalities:

1. The women enjoy and require speaking to one another, texting one another, using social media to contact and inform one another what is going on in their lives on a nearly daily basis.
2. The women usually only have one or two very close friendships and a few other acquaintances.
3. The women's friendships atypically are with other women who
   (a) are within the same financial level,
   (b) would consider themselves equal in physical ability and looks, and
   (c) usually within a few years difference in age.

Unlike most men, women can have problems in these areas when making and keeping friendships with other women:

1. When women are from significantly different financial levels,
2. When women are significantly different in visual beauty,
3. When women are considered a potential rival for job promotions and duties.
4. When women feel that they are competing for attention from men suitors.
5. When women do not speak with one another over time.
6. When a woman makes comments that can be construed as negative to her friend, even if it was not meant as negative, where the offended woman will avoid and not contact her friend for the perceived offence until the other woman, who doesn't understand the problem, comes forth to apologize which is nearly impossible because the woman didn't know what happened.  This author has seen this numerous times where it took a long time for the two women to fix the problem and then they ended up laughing or crying followed by hugging one another.

A grievous sin that women do to one another

There is a very grievous sins that most men, and also women, have seen women do to other women in the workplace, church or a variety of other situations. This is a sin of ostracizing that is not uncommon and without excuse by Christian women.  This author was a computer consultant, going to Fortune 500 companies routinely, for fifteen years before becoming a full-time employee, where I often saw ostracizing there and also in Church areas.

As an example of this sin of ostracizing, is one done because of attractiveness.  When a woman is starting a new job at company, where she is physically fit and beautiful, then other women will sometimes make her feel uncomfortable, unwelcome and even be conspired against with the end result of the new women having to quit the job from the stress.  Besides this being absolutely wrong, it also robs the company of a good employee and hurts the Body of Christ in a Church scenario.  This author has seen this happen several times.  This author has a good friend's who had his wife coming home stressed, shaking, crying and feeling miserable because of the way she was being treated by women fellow coworkers where she knew it was because of her looks.  The men in the office were often overtly friendly, paying attention to helping her on the job and she felt very uncomfortable about it.  My friend told me they really needed her to be working to handle financial needs of the family but this was not making it worth his wife's stress.  After 6 months, my friend's wife found another job where she still is working today.

As a second example, after getting out of college, I visited a good and beautiful friend at her job and was shocked by her appearance because of the way she dressed, had her hair styled and lack of make-up.  She told me she does this during the day at work so that she appears more manly and less attractive and also so that she would be taken more seriously and not have problems with other women. 

Men do not understand why women do this to one another and men are powerless to fix it in the office environment because any actions or talk would be considered politically insensitive and gender prejudice that may result in Human Relations Department actions to either discipline the man or have the man terminated.  Could you imagine a male manager calling a meeting to tell women to stop acting coldly to a woman, talking about another woman despairingly and ostracizing another woman because they perceive this woman is: (a) trying to make them look bad by the way she dresses, looks or acts; (b) is getting more help from the men in the office because of the way she looks and the other women do not get the same assistance.

Consequentially, this problem is often one of the secret areas not discussed openly in western corporations.  The exception to this problem is when a woman who is physically fit and beautiful rises into management where women working for the manager will be very courteous.  Of course, the problem may continue for the manager when there are other women in the same pier group management level.  In the past, there was a sense of what was called the "glass ceiling" where a woman could not be promoted in management above a specific level.  Thankfully, this largely has legal remedies for anyone victimized where ostracizing by woman against woman does not necessarily have legal options unless the prejudice can be proven and documented.   

Christian women, just like men are called to a higher accounting of our actions.  Read the topic on Abuse of Power for more on another type of problem that is not gender related.

Suggestions for women to improve friendships

Consider the point that Jesus Christ is making in Luke 10:38-42 for Martha to recognize the opportunity to enjoy Jesus Christ's presence.  We all should try to enjoy one another company and not let some chores or any obstacle get in the away of enjoying one another!

Suggestions for women to start, improve, keep friendships
and have more friendships with other women

Starting category:

1. When meeting another woman, always find something to complement the other woman about.  It is very easy and can be a comment about liking her shoes, her purse or the color of her fingernails. 
2. You do not need to receive complements in return before continuing in a conversation. 
3. Ask questions about where the woman got her purse, how long has she been going to this place, where did she grow up.  This opens up the communication and will give a starting place or a frame of reference to look for items of commonality.

Improving category:

1. Do more listening than talking with your friends so that you can understand them.  Finding out more about her life will bring you closer to her and also show you opportunities to possibly participate in events where you and her, along with families, can have fun.
2. Find ways to do something together like meet for coffee, tea or walk around a shopping center mall to enjoy looking what stores have to offer.

Keep category

1. Take the time to always stay in contact with other women who you have friendships with even if they have moved far away.  Never believe that your friend is no longer your friend just because you have not spoken to her lately.  Life has circumstances that take us away from the relationships that we value and you will not know if your friend is going through a tough time.  Reach out to her, ask her how she is doing and apologize for not talking with her more often because you value your relationship with her.
2. Do not gossip about anyone.  Most people, regardless of gender, cannot keep secrets and anything done in confidence when it is negative will not stay secret or hidden.  Take time to say good things about your friends to your other friends.  The friends that hear you saying good things about other people will believe you to also say good things about them to others.  This will endear them to you!

Relationship Needs in a Marriage and Relationship

What to read next?

What is Salvation?  Is it is possible to lose Salvation?  We have eternal life.  Evolution is not real.  When a Christian suffers is there benefits from it.  Rewards in heaven.  Do we Tithe?  What does the 3rd Commandment tell us?  What is Grace and Mercy?  Is there an Age of Accountability?  Is there a place of unending punishment and exile form God?